A work In progress: Shades of you.

*update February 14th 2009.

I am trying to work out the details of a song that I have been writing. it's not my first song, but it is the first that I have been moved to include words. Curse the boy and the love he inspires. [haha ;)]

I figured I'd put it up here as I work on it, let you all see how it's going, then publish the finished set when it's done.

An interesting note: In the Art therapy group I participated in this past semester the leading therapist suggested at the end of one of the group sessions "perhaps your relationship will truly begin when you finish that song." This was after I had expressed some fears of commitment, this song that I am working on and the root fear that I am not finishing it this song about my significant other because I fear I will come to a day or place where I do not love him anymore. (another note: the previous entry to this one was inspire by work that I was doing in that group therapy). This is not to say that I am defining the creation of this song upon that statement, rather, now that I have had a chance to openly explore past pain I would like to more openly explore how I experience love. This is what I am doing here, exploring, and hopefully knitting hearts.

It's not all grammatically correct, the words in ( ) are optional or considerations for the final work, and the // separate different lines or ideas written on different days. They are really not in any chronological order. Something in the middle I wrote today as I was recording all the other little tidbits, pausing transcription for demand of the flow for creation, then continued the process of recording and analysis. It really is like putting together pieces of a mystery, or scene that is come upon, or film that is started half way through the narrative. Thoughts all put together and looked at to be organized in a communicative way. I want you to be able to feel all the little pieces that are abstractly multidimensional inside of my experience. Also to have a record of those feelings for myself to return to if that day ever comes that I feel them no longer.

(this set of words and music has been taking many many months - I'm eager to see it complete and meet it in it's fullness, which will really only be full to me because of the process of creation).


Shades of You

I'm Flying/Feeling weightless when I'm with you
//
this verse will never be complete because I'll always have a need to tell you just how fantastic you are
//
one thing I know for sure is that my love for you is deeper than any stone
and higher than any moon or star,
purer than any diamond
and stretches farther than the reaching folds as the (uni)'verse are.
//
one thing I know for sure is that
my love for you is deeper than any stone
and wider than any expanse of the (uni)verse(heavens?)
//
our fate lies beyond this fallen state
always to continue on this earth and in the heavens we'll stay
together.
//
I want to smell the air those walls & to know
the wall of joy
through experiencing the world next to
the eyes that help my own to see

Let's take the living room outside
lounge on the sofa's in the sunshine
And act like we would in our private walls
without a care to who's looking at all.
//
I make a ridiculous Joke
and you follow with one just as ridiculous
//
silliness
//
you make my face hurt (from smiling of course!)
//
I choose love because Love is a choice
i will not give my fear a chance to offer it's voice
for it will surely deteriorate what beauty we share
yield heart to opportunity growth
//
live reacquainted with love
lived reacted
lived reactional
lived ready
lived reaffirmed
//
right moves with you
//
i'm glad i'm not totally comfortable with you, or ungrateful
it just ensures/warrants
that each moment will bring something new to love.
avoiding hedonic adaptation point of view
//
I'm not as psychic as some believe
I'm often left wondering what it is you think of (us)
so i watch instead for the inclination of your head
the gleam in your golden iris
your gentle hand always leading
even when we don't dance
//
my lips peak and curl
this happiness feels more mischievous
cause it feels like our own silly secret
as we anxiously try to remain oh so serious
//
you dance for passion & I dance because i'm passionate about you.
change often keeps us on our toes.
//
I choose love because love is a choice
it isn't some short lived feeling
//
The first time i saw you was on a thursday,
the sun was bright, the air was warm
our feet tread the sidewalk in one another's direction,
smiled as we passed each other
each on our way to our own/different place(s)
I had no idea what that look would turn into.

The next sunday you saved me,
pointed me in the right direction
(it was then you caught my attention)
and I wondered who is this man
who would care so much
for my(a stranger's) wandering feet that he would take a moment, (stop me in my tracks),
and set me on a path that I did not expect.

Look now what our silliness has gotten us into.
//
I'll continue to be silly if you agree to be ridiculous
//
silly, ridiculous
hilarious fit we're in
//
I'll be silly if you be ridiculous
and we'll laugh into the sunset
till the stroke of twelve.
//
I'm afraid to lose myself like I lost myself last time.
I was lost even to myself
//
the landscape of a room changes
so greatly with the addition of people
when you enter the energy becomes
bright & colourful, busy & directed
in so many individual ways
//
in you I have found happiness so excessive/expansive/ & exquisite.
//
i consult with others on how I can
stretch out my patience in attempt to
possibly come to understand
the mystery that is you.
OR
i consult with others on how I can
stretch out my patience in attempt to
possibly come to understand and see
the shades of you.
//
Dancing with Tod really is an experience, he is a fantastic partner, his signals are clear, he is patient and sincere, and when I ask for clarification he is willing to stop to show me.
//
sway, blink, in the shadow of memory